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Want You Gone
Ellie's skills will be needed once you have the Viking artefact, but first you need to get here way from the Ministry Cast * Ellie Maxted * Jody Marsh * Ollie * Phil Cheeseman * Zoe Crick * Sigrid Hakkinen Plot Ceramics And Silverware Some subterfuge is needed to convince a Ministry handler that Zoe is actually Ellie Maxted, but Zoe and Phil are late. To kill time Ellie suggests you take this Ministry person to pick up artefacts from a nearby museum. Before That Horde Catches Up Intercepting Ollie, the man from the Ministry, Ellie introduces you and 'Joanie' aka Jody, as loyal Ministry runners over comms. The three of you must grab artefacts from Mallory museum without delay. Era Of Special Interest Ellie may have misremembered that Mallory Museum is not, in fact, full of 17th Century ceramics, but instead houses videogame memorabilia. 80s Section Is That Way With a little help from Jody, Ellie bluffs her way through an academic knowledge of 80s videogames. Given there are zombies here Ollie wants to leave, but you ignore his pleas and continue on. Over Those Frogger Machines You grab the completely necessary copy of Manic Miner from the 80s section, as zombies close in. Thankfully Jody spots an exit and you beat a hasty retreat, leaping over some Frogger machines. For Archival Purposes Phil and Zoe have finally arrived, but Phil meets you while Zoe hangs back in the van. He continues the ruse that you must pick up items of vital historical importance before you can leave. Behind That Hedge Once outside you meet up with Zoe, and successfully fool Ollie. Unfortunately both she and Phil have been signed up to give a very involved lecture in Sudbury, and that's your cue to go to the real Ellie. Only One Who Can Help Ellie's excited about seeing the Viking artefact, but a clip of Sigrid explaining how she's going to 'fix' humanity brings her back to earth. Ellie's the only one who can help you stay one step ahead of the Ministry. S05E31 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript ELLIE MAXTED: Runner Five, Jody, thank God you’re here. JODY MARSH: Hi, Ellie! Where are Zoe and Phil? ELLIE MAXTED: They’re going to miss the rendezvous. Van trouble. JODY MARSH: Bugger! Zoe’s got to be here. She’s the one who’s taking your place. She has to arrive before your new Ministry handler, or he’ll know she’s not you, Doctor Ellie Maxted, expert in… expert in… old things. ELLIE MAXTED: She can’t get here in time, and without a stand-in, I can’t just disappear from this stupid propaganda tour Sigrid has me on. It’d raise too many alarm bells. JODY MARSH: But we need you! The mission to recover the Viking armlet is tomorrow. sighs Me and Chris had that thing in our hands and we just let it go. ELLIE MAXTED: You couldn’t have known its value. JODY MARSH: We still don’t. Not really. I described it for Janine and Runner Seven, but you’re the only person who can interpret it. I still can’t believe Evan’s the head of Netrophil. Is everyone hiding a massive secret? ELLIE MAXTED: I will be now, from Sigrid. Jody, I want to help, but I don’t really want to die, ideally. Are you sure Zoe can impersonate me, if she gets here on time somehow? JODY MARSH: She can bullshit with the best of them. ELLIE MAXTED: Oh, bugger. Look over there, on the brow of that hill. He’s early. JODY MARSH: The Blue Beetle? Who drives a Beetle after the apocalypse? ELLIE MAXTED: Ministry publicists. JODY MARSH: Right. Okay. New plan: me and Five will distract him until Zoe and Phil get here. He can’t meet you. He has to believe Zoe’s you when he meets her for the first time. ELLIE MAXTED: I saw a sign for the Mallory Museum down that gravel drive. You could say Doctor Maxted wants him to collect some artifacts. JODY MARSH: What artifacts? ELLIE MAXTED: I think it’s seventeenth century ceramics and silverware. I’ll stay on the headsets to give you advice. But hurry! You’ve got to cut him off before he sees me. Run! ELLIE MAXTED: His car’s coming. It’s going to drive right past you. Five, quick, step out into the road so he sees you. skid OLLIE OXFORD: Golly, are you all right? ELLIE MAXTED: Give him a headset. rustles, headset beeps Hello! It’s Ollie, isn’t it? I have an assignment for you and these loyal Ministry runners. OLLIE OXFORD: Doctor Maxted, yes! Yes, I’m Ollie Oxford, head of Ministry PI, eastern region. And runners! Uh, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure. JODY MARSH: Uh, yeah, no. I’m uh, Joni Mitchell. No relation. ELLIE MAXTED: And this is Five. OLLIE OXFORD: Unusual name. ELLIE MAXTED: Nickname. A long story. Five and Joni are helping me recover priceless artifacts. There’s a museum I’d like you to investigate. OLLIE OXFORD: What, right now? I was hoping I could have a cuppa first. JODY MARSH: We can’t wait. There are reports of massive zombie activity in this area. OLLIE OXFORD: Oh. Oh, is it wise to go under those circumstances? ELLIE MAXTED: It’s vital. That’s the point of my tour, isn’t it? To reassure the public that the Ministry will preserve our nation’s past. OLLIE OXFORD: Gosh, yes. Yes, it must be very important. ELLIE MAXTED: Very. The museum houses relics of a bygone era of taste and refinement. Now hurry, before that horde catches up with you! JODY MARSH: We’re here! ELLIE MAXTED: That’s great. I can’t wait to get my hands on those ceramics. OLLIE OXFORD: From the Mallory Museum of Video Games? ELLIE MAXTED: … yes. JODY MARSH: There were some really good novelty mugs from uh, Fallout, and Space Invaders, and Bloodborne. ELLIE MAXTED: Exactly! Vital cultural relics of a lost era. OLLIE OXFORD: I had thought you specialized in tribal societies at moments of catastrophic collapse. ELLIE MAXTED:Well, yes. Yes, I do. I do. But video game culture is very tribal in nature. Listen, I think I hear zombies nearby! … You’d better hurry! opens JODY MARSH: There’s a plan of the museum here. Where do you need us to go? ELLIE MAXTED: What’s the furthest away? JODY MARSH: British games of the 1980s. ELLIE MAXTED: What a coincidence! That’s my era of special interest. Go, now. Run! beep, game music plays OLLIE OXFORD: ? This is an amazing place, isn’t it? Pre our current zombie difficulties, I used to enjoy a game of GTA ?. These things are genuine antiques. Except that they’re less than fifty years old. ELLIE MAXTED: They do belong to a different era. Take that one over there, the um… JODY MARSH: I think it’s Space Invaders. ELLIE MAXTED: Yes, precisely. It’s a fascinating insight into the Cold War paranoia that was frequently displaced onto alien rather than merely foreign enemies in the 1950s. JODY MARSH: 1980s. ELLIE MAXTED: Yes. moans OLLIE OXFORD: Um, is it just me, or is that a zombie playing Mortal Kombat? Actually, I think there’s a zombie playing Donkey Kong, and that one has got an amazing high score on Asteroid. Their arms have melted into the machines! Think they’ve been playing since the apocalypse? Ugh, oh, did you see that? They’ve all just turned towards us. That’s – oh dear. I joined the Ministry to get away from zoms, not get closer to them. JODY MARSH: Their arms really are melted to those arcade machines. They’re trying to rip them off so they can get to us. OLLIE OXFORD: I don’t want to teach my granny egg-sucking or anything, but um, shouldn’t we get out of here? I can send a Ministry team in to clear it of zoms within a week. ELLIE MAXTED: You can’t leave! My colleague, Doctor… Cheeseman… is joining me, and he’s a fanatic about video game history. This place is a treasure trove for him. He’ll never speak to me again if I let you leave without a copy of Manic Miner! JODY MARSH: That sounds completely reasonable. OLLIE OXFORD: No it doesn’t! JODY MARSH: Come on, Five. The 80s section is that way. Run! groan JODY MARSH: Oh look, Five. There’s Manic Miner. You better pick it up for the other doctor. OLLIE OXFORD: Oh goodness, this is terrifying. Zombies are everywhere! The display walls are so high, you can’t see them coming. JODY MARSH: Yeah. It’s like the original Doom, only the zombies are more realistic. Well, you know, actually real. OLLIE OXFORD: Doctor Maxted? Doctor Maxted, can you hear us? JODY MARSH: Something’s interfering with her signal. Don’t worry, Five and I can lead you out. Look, that way’s clear, and there’s an exit sign. It should lead to the back door. All we need to do is jump over those bartop Frogger machines. Come on! PHIL CHEESEMAN: There you are. I’ve been looking for you. We’re here. I mean, I’m here. I, who arrived alone to meet my old friend, Doctor Maxted, who has been here all along, which you already knew. JODY MARSH: Oh, hello, Doctor uh… OLLIE OXFORD: It’s Doctor Cheeseman, isn’t it? That’s what Ellie said. JODY MARSH: Yes, but that was stupid. OLLIE OXFORD: Oh. Oh, is Cheeseman not your name? It’s jolly strange she’d get that wrong. I thought you and Doctor Maxted were close friends. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh no, we are. Totally. That’s why she calls me Doctor Cheeseman. OLLIE OXFORD: Right, right, I see… no, I don’t. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Because uh, Cheeseman was my maiden name. I usually go by Abernathy. JODY MARSH: So does this mean that Ellie’s… ? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, Ellie’s ready for us to go back to the van. She just wanted me to have a gander at this section of the museum first. OLLIE OXFORD: I gather you’re a real expert. What’s your academic angle on 80s video games? PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, you know. OLLIE OXFORD: Not really, I’m afraid. PHIL CHEESEMAN: It’s the Oedipal um, hegemonic unpacking of uh, the deconstructions of culture. Ontologically. OLLIE OXFORD: Oh, oh, so you subscribe to a uh, Freudian reading of game culture. I’d love to hear more. JODY MARSH: Me too, Doctor Chee – guhbernathy. But we do need to get moving, what with our, you know, urgent mission. OLLIE OXFORD: Well, I wouldn’t really call it urgent. JODY MARSH: Educating the British public about antiques? It’s vital! PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, absolutely crucial. Luckily, there’s nothing here worth saving. It’s all rubbish. Not to mention a few zombies! Oh, that is a BBC Micro in full working order with a copy of Elite and Chuckie Egg. Could you grab them for me, Five? Yeah. For archival purposes. JODY MARSH: Great. Now let’s run. OLLIE OXFORD: Absolutely. PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ooh, get that copy of Jet Set Willy while you’re passing? ZOE CRICK: Ah, there you. Glad you got out safely! Five, Joni, thanks for the assist. You’re literal lifesavers! laughs OLLIE OXFORD: Doctor Maxted? ZOE CRICK: In the flesh! OLLIE OXFORD: Gosh, you sound really different. ZOE CRICK: Yes! People say that all the time. laughs Personally, I hate the way my voice sounds over the radio. Um, all high-pitched and girly. laughs OLLIE OXFORD: And American. ZOE CRICK: Weird, isn’t it? And uh, Doctor Cheeseman - PHIL CHEESEMAN: Abernathy! ZOE CRICK: - now that you’ve finished explaining the ontological hegenomics of Attic Attack, we’re ready to set off. So, Ollie, laughs what have you got lined up for myself and Doctor Cheese – CHEESEMAN clears throat – ernathy today? OLLIE OXFORD: We’ll be driving you straight to Sudbury, Doctor Maxted, where you’ll be giving a talk on eighteenth century portraiture in the Thomas Gainsborough house. ZOE CRICK: Am I. OLLIE OXFORD: And if Doctor Abernathy can contribute any thoughts on Gainsborough’s role in the foundation of the Royal Academy, that would be wonderful! PHIL CHEESEMAN: I’ll try, if uh, Doctor Maxted leaves me time! She always has so much to say about eighteenth century portraiture and its links to Jungian psychology, don’t you? ZOE CRICK: Yes. I never shut up about it. OLLIE OXFORD: Oh, I can hardly wait! PHIL CHEESEMAN: Me neither. JODY MARSH: whispers Five, now we’ve got the real Ellie, we need to rendezvous with her behind the hedge across the field, and escort her to Janine. ELLIE MAXTED: I’m not sure what I’m more excited by: hearing Zoe and Phil’s lectures, or seeing this Viking artifact you have for me. Wait, no, I am sure. It’s the Viking artifact. JODY MARSH: We’re excited too, Ellie. We wouldn’t have come if we didn’t really need you. The Minister, well, she’s much worse than you think. ELLIE MAXTED: Yes, I was surprised by her stories about Abel. What’s she planning? JODY MARSH: We have a recording from a bug in the office she’s using in Abel. One of our friends tried to tempt her to explain her plans. Listen to this. beeps SIGRID HAKKINEN: Doctor Lobatse, I’m so glad you could make time for me. KEFILWE LOBATSE: You had me released from that prison cell. I had nothing but time. SIGRID HAKKINEN: I’ve always been impressed by you, Doctor. You’re a clever, resourceful woman. Steve has spoken highly of your skills. I hope that after months of ill treatment, the Wakened Land might have something better to offer you. KEFILWE LOBATSE: I have heard that you plan to winnow the population using your virus. That seems very interesting. SIGRID HAKKINEN: Winnowing is only half of it, Doctor. I have bigger plans than that. KEFILWE LOBATSE: And if I join with you, you’ll tell me what your secrets are? That sounds like a cult. SIGRID HAKKINEN: Oh, Doctor. There are no secrets from my elect. Once I have the contents of the laboratories under Abel, I will understand all I need about the virus. And there are other procedures I’m perfecting even now. Now that the Netrophil terrorists are gone, there’s no one to sabotage me anymore. I had very strong contacts within the government in Finland even before the apocalypse. There is a facility there which could use the help of a skillful woman like you. KEFILWE LOBATSE: Why? What are they doing? SIGRID HAKKINEN: They are solving all the problems of the human race. I think that’s enough for today. Be assured, Doctor, that as long as you cooperate with me, you need not fear Ian Golightly. He won’t be here forever. beeps ELLIE MAXTED: Well, that’s… grandiose. Solving all the problems of the human race. JODY MARSH: We need to get ahead of her, Ellie. We need you on this next mission. You’re the only one who can help.Category:Mission Category:Season Five